So its been a while since I've posted by I wanted to get back in the swing of things! My intention was to only continue this blog until our little bundle was here BUT I think that I may see how long this plays out.

For those of you who don’t know me personally (or who I don’t speak to on a regular basis) here’s a quick update on us.

1. We bought a house. It was quick and sort of “spur of the moment” (as spur of the moment as buying a house can be) but we are so happy to be in this new house and we are LOVING it!
2. I am pumping now (and have been since September). I’ll give you a bigger update on pumping in a little bit but it is going well and I am actually producing milk which is A MAZE ING!!!
3. Last Friday we were 35/35 (35 weeks with 35 days to go)…WHAT?!?!? This baby is coming and she is actually going to be here…like soon! CRAZY

Pumping Update/Summary

So I have been pumping since September. For those of you just joining us, I started inducing lactation back in may (ish). It started with birth control pills, and domperidone. In September, I stopped the birth control and went with just domperidone, fenugreek, and blessed thistle. I have changed the supplements a bit but its going well.

I started pumping at possibly the worst time ever during a REALLY stressful weekend so that wasn’t the greatest but I’ve stuck to pumping. I am going to be honest with everyone…pumping SUCKS…it’s the worst. I actually really hate it but it is necessary and important for our baby. I am producing about 1-2 oz. a day (depending on the day) and I am hoping that once Hayden gets here, I will get even more milk. I’ll keep you all posted. In the mean time I will keep pumping, I am currently looking for donor milk and we will hope for the best. Formula feels like a really big failure to me at this point but we of course won’t let her starve.

I don’t feel like I have done my very best with pumping. Partially because it really is very hard to get in a pump every 2 hours. Partially because it is a lot of work for a little outcome. I do feel like I am trying and that is all I can expect at this point.

Stay tuned for more! 

Fear

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a full on worrier. I worry about anything and everything, and if I can't worry enough...I worry that there aren't enough things to worry about. This is not my best quality, nor is it something that I like to focus on but when I started this blog I promised myself I would be honest and open with my feelings and these are things that have been weighing on my mind.

There has been so much going on in our life. These things are awesome and wonderful but we haven't had much of a minute to breathe...

We met with our doula this past weekend and she has asked us to do some homework. This homework was writing down all our fears, giving those fears a number and then doing a fear release activity. The thought of doing this activity really kicked that worry into high gear. Having a baby, moving, inducing lactation and growing a business does not provide a lot of time for relaxation and planning. Our weekends have been so busy that we really haven't been allotted a lot of time to prepare our plan of action. As I begin thinking about all those fears, I wanted to put them out there a part of my own fear release project.

1. Housing- We have had quite the housing saga. We currently rent. There was a time period where we were supposed to move. We got strung along a bit and then one day about 3 weeks ago we decided to buy a house...I know, we're a bit crazy. We close on the house October 10th but I still worry that we won't be ready by the time Hayden gets here. I want to have time to nest and now that we have our perfect home (we love it so much) I am worried about what comes with that. Will we close on time? Will something happen and the financing fall through? There is so much to worry about.

2. Inducing Lactation- I recently started pumping (blog post to follow) and it is TOUGH work. I worry that I won't be able to produce enough milk for our baby and we'll have to use donor milk. There is nothing wrong with this, but I want to be able to do this.

3. Our crazy dogs- Our dogs are so unpredictable and insane...I worry that they won't mesh well with the Hayden.

4. The big show- When it is finally go time, I will have a large role in the environment of the experience feels. This is an overwhelming responsiblity and I worry I won't do a good job.

5. Raising a freaking baby!!!- we tried to have a baby for so long. It is finally happening and that is SCARY!!!!!

Although these are all normal fears it is still scary to experience them. I am sure when that by the time we do the fear activity with our doula, I will have doubled my list. I am interested to see what she does with us and I will be sure to report back.

Having a baby is like planning a wedding...

Having a baby is a lot like planning a wedding. We have planned and executed two weddings (our original wedding and the one we count as our wedding date and then the second wedding was a small ceremony to “make it legal”…come on Ohio…get with the program). 

When you plan a wedding you need to:

-         Figure out the budget

-         Discover who you want to be there

-         Do a lot of decorating, cleaning and organizing of things

-         Hire the right people for the vision you have

-         Plan, stress, cry, and feel so excited!!!!

You need all of these things and more when you are planning to bring a child into this world…except it doesn’t just involve one day…its FOR. EVER. (just a side-note, I am a firm believer that marriage is forever, but you can have a great marriage without a wedding). So after our LONG journey of trying, we really had a long time to think about our birth and decide what and who we needed. So, we set out to find our “birth dream team”…we typically like to surround ourselves with awesome people and we figured our birth was not going to be any different.

We had a TERRIBLE experience with our first OBGYN office and were looking for a more natural birthing experience (not quite at home natural…but definitely less medicinal than the norm). It was a great choice for us to go with a midwife practice who we LOVE! They talk to us both as a couple and they involve me in the conversation (which lets face it…I’m bossy and I normally run the conversation…whoops).

I am inducing lactation so we knew we would need a lactation consultant. We found the most amazing lactation consultant who talks me off the anxiety ledge at least once a month (and I haven’t even started pumping…I know…I’m a little high strung).

We also hired a doula who we love and is amazing. She understands trans issues (and what she doesn’t understand she is willing to learn). She’s great and patient and I feel so confident that she will really help advocate for us.

I think the thing we have learned the most through this process is that we cannot do this alone. If we are going to have help we want it to be the best help we could find. The most important thing we could do for ourselves is to advocate for us and for our family. I think we are on a great track.